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Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Linguistics Of The Future

In which we explore the Jargon Watch seciton of Wired Magazine

Dark Flash

n. An invisible burst of infrared and ultraviolet light used for clandestine night photography. While the greenish pictures can be color-corrected, the system can’t yet pick up freckles, a hitch for paparazzi stalking Lindsay Lohan

It almost sounds like some Phillip K. Dick inspired piece of technology that allows people like Dick Cheney to distribute their fear-laden rhetoric across multiple media platforms without ever having to answer for what he's trying to do.

Galápagos syndrome

n. The scourge of Japanese mobile companies, whose superadvanced 3G handsets won’t work on foreign cell networks. It’s named for the birds of the Galápagos, whose specialized beaks don’t cut it on the mainland.

Much in the same way that Tucker Carlson's particular brand of inane drivel hasn't worked on any network that has employed him, so he is forced to bounce from channel to channel in order to find some place that will accept him.


n. Sonic laser. Employing the same technique lasers use to focus light, sasers emit perfectly aligned terahertz sound waves — once a purely theoretical phenomenon. The tech could be adapted for medical and security imaging.

You know that annoying sound that eminates from Michelle Bachman's face whenever you see her on television or hear her on radio? Yeah, same principle.


n. The Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot, a Darpa-funded machine able to forage for its own biomass fuel. Fox News suggested that EATR could feed on dead soldiers, eliciting reassurances from the maker that the bot is “strictly vegetarian.”

I think the description provided by Wired is all we need on this one.

1 comment:

Dr. Zaius said...

I like the Galápagos syndrome. Tucker Carlson is such a loser.

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