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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

You May Remember Her From Saturday Night Live

It's easy to tell a washed-up, former pseudo-celebrity from people that actually have coherent thoughts and a fully functioning brainstem. The later group has the ability to think, act, and adequately wipe their own asses on a daily basis. The former group, sad to say, not only lacks the relevance that they once had but they have developed the uncontrollable urge to do any and everything to regain their place in the spotlight.

You see this happened more often than not in the musical world. In the country genre, formeraly great artists like Hank Williams Jr. and Charlie Daniels have latched on to people like Sean Hannity in order to get booked at least once a year at his annual "Military Porn" musical festival where the bulk of the money is used to produce the event and pay the artists. Of course, this particual arena of music tends to blend well with their target audience: poorly educated, willfully ignorant, unblushingly right-wing conservative, racist. To that effect, people like Hank and Daniels have maintained their core fanbase while completely isolating themselve from further exposure.

In the realm of former comedians, when you grasp as straws in a reactionary fashion, you're more likely to stick out like the proverbial sore-thumb than some pre-senile country artist that can barely remember the words to their first hit single. And when you're Victoria Jackson, the struggle to regain relevance is quadrupled due to the fact that you were merely a marginal player on SNL to begin with.

But, this hasn't stopped her from latching on to Sean Hannity, and his rhetoric, as well:

I woke up in the middle of the night and realized the trick.

You see, evil doesn’t just show up. It disguises itself as something nice; so you’ll let it in. It tricks you.

Murdering babies is called Pro-Choice. Unfair Censorship is called The Fairness Doctrine. Outlandish Taxes and the Death of Freedom is called Cap & Trade. Sounds like Fish & Chips. You gotta figure out the trick.

I’d been wondering why the liberals are so passionate about this Health Care thing. It couldn’t be because they actually care about sick, poor people. If they did, they would visit hospitals, and give ten percent of their gross salaries to Compassion International and World Vision, like us stupid church go-ers do. Biden gave $ 62 to charity last year.

No, there’s gotta be a catch. I guess this question was sitting in my brain and during my sleep, my brain was working on it, because when I suddenly awoke at 3 a.m. I had the answer.

Euthanasia!


Just imagining Jackson's shrill, nasally, voice brings makes this blathering nonsense even more pathetic. At least she's sticking to the script - sort of. There's a portion of her story ( follow the link above to read the full ream of insanity ) where she recalls a trip to a store and begins "witnessing" to a woman and her daughter about the dangers of Obama.

Imagine what it would be like to have Victoria Jackson prattling on in incessant and monotonous octaves about the evils that are about to befall you should we not oust the government now. When you hear it from someone like Hank Jr. or Charlie Daniels ( hell, even Joe "The Gimmick" Wurzelbacher ) you can at least wave them off like the jokes that they are. But when it's Victoria Jackson, you almost get this Stepford Wife type of vibe, like she's not human anymore ( if she ever was ) and has been reprogammed somehow to vomit conservative talking-points in order to frighten store clerks and their teenage children.

To get an idea, here's her on Hannity a short time ago:



And on O'Reilly's program with chick from Northern Exposure:



And conservatives expect people to take them seriously.

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